Just about halfway through this intense documentation of our lives and I am still loving capturing the little details that make up our days. Some things the same, some things different. I’m also loving the opportunity to use my big camera and have rediscovered some long-forgotten lenses. I really need to work on my skills with this camera more often. Perhaps it’s time to go back and re-take some classes I’ve previously taken to refresh and practice and improve.
6:32am // Ahhhhh…. coffee and my early morning quiet time. Although I don’t really love getting out of bed so early (sleep has become so precious), this brief period of calm each morning is probably my favourite part of the day. And I think it puts me in a better frame of mind for the rest of the day.
6:47am // But this morning that peace is short lived when I hear Violet awake and crying early. I contemplated leaving her but I know that we’re in for a rough day if it’s started out with her crying in her room. So I set her up on the floor in my study with Peppa Pig on the iPad, her chair, pillow, blanket and a warm milo.
7:16am // That too is short lived and before long, she’s finished the milo and grown bored of the iPad and wants to start pulling apart everything she can get her hands on. I have given her a couple of pens to draw on the divider she’s ripped out of one of my files trying to distract her for just a little bit longer…
8:24am // Everyone is awake and ready for breakfast. I’ve made porridge for Lee, Violet and Jack. Although right now Jack is gnawing on some chopped up pear in his little mesh feeder. I have cottage cheese + banana on toast with some cinnamon. It tastes way better than it sounds.
8:39am // Violet has finished breakfast and is now playing by herself with her cash register and fruit & vegetables. I like to ask her how much things cost and it’s always amusing to hear her responses right now when she has no real concept of money or numbers.
9:14am // Lee has to run a few errands today so he’s taking Violet out with him. Of course she has to say goodbye to Jack before she goes. Wearing her gumboots, of course.
10:20am // A moment of honest reflection. I am struggling to cope with the demands and pressures of my life at the moment. It’s been a tough six months trying to juggle uni, a baby, a toddler, a fiance and a home. Most days I feel as though I’m being pulled in a million different directions and that I’m chasing my tail trying to make sure that everyone is looked after. There has been very little time for myself and I’m definitely feeling worn out and worn thin as a result. But I’m continuing to get on with doing what needs to be done. And hoping that a break will come before a break-down does.
10:28am // Really in love with long cardigans right now.
10:29am // His wake-up cry was extra cranky, I guess this is why. He’s starting to become more mobile now – rolling and scooting himself around. But that means that he’s getting himself into weird and often comfortable positions in his cot when he’s supposed to be sleeping. I am reminded of going through the same thing with Violet just a couple of years ago.
10:35am // Hello feet! Finally he can grab on with both hands….although I’m not sure how successful he is going to be at getting them to his mouth.
10:44am // Milk feed #2 for the day. I try to savour this time with him as much as I can, I know it’s all passing by too quickly and pretty soon he won’t need me the way he does now.
11:03am // Still working on making it a daily ritual to take my vitamins. I know that I feel better when I’m taking them. Right now I have a women’s multi + omegas + magnesium + vitamin D + chromium picolinate. I’m waiting on an order to arrive to restock and ramp up my supplements for a short while to try to get my body + hormones under some semblance of control again.
11:19am // Morning tea. I’m drinking from my fancy cup today because I feel like a need that feeling of decadence. Snaking on corn thins + cream cheese + Vegemite.
12:11pm // Lunch for Jack. Today he’s eating a mix of veggies + lentils + pasta. I’m yet to find a food that he doesn’t like to eat.
12:22pm // Lee and Violet are home. They stopped for lunch at McDonald’s where Violet got a happy meal. The toy was this little beat-box character which plays some really cool beats. She’s pretty happy with her new “beebeebod”.
12:23pm // So kind of them to think of me and bring home a half-eaten cheeseburger. My favourite! I love cheeseburgers but I’m trying to remain true to my nutrition plan so this one was not consumed.
1:10pm // Lee starts his new job on Monday and picked up parts of his uniform today. He comes out to model it for me with his best blue steel pose.
2:38pm // Love. Attempting to recreate a similar photo that I have with Violet from when she was a baby.
3:23pm // Ok, so I know I said I am trying to savour the one-on-one time I get with Jack while feeding him. But I am also happy that we’ve pretty well reached a point where he can hold his bottle himself. Because sometimes everything happens at once and I need a little bit of self-sufficiency to avoid the shit hitting the fan altogether. Like when he’s desperate for some milk and Violet is awake and screaming for me.
3:27pm // I love this crazy-haired little girl so much that sometimes it overwhelms me. I hate that I am finding her very hard to deal with at the moment. I hate that I am losing my temper and getting frustrated with her so much. I hate that I’m not able to do anything to fix this stage she’s in or to really provide her with any immediate help to get through it. And I hate that I am forever second guessing my approach, my parenting and hating on myself for not being able to do more and be more for her.
4:44pm // Kitchen mess. So not my favourite.
4:47pm // I’m a little late starting dinner today. These days I find that I have to start prepping and cooking around 4pm in order to have dinner on the table at a reasonable time. Because there are always so many interruptions to the process right now.
5:13pm // Working on her fine motor skills with some bead threading. This little activity is awesome for her development, and also really great at keeping her occupied for a while.
5:14pm // Lee is taking some time out to play Battlefield One. When things get a bit much or when he feels like he needs some time to himself he jumps on to play. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t resent it – sometimes more than others. I try not to hamper his gaming time too much, because that’s really not the kind of person I am. But I do wish I had his capacity to just stop and take the time for myself when I want it. I think it’s a source of silent conflict in our relationship. We have two opposing approaches when it comes to work and play. This is something that we’re going to need to continue to work on to find a mutually acceptable resolution.
5:55pm // These last couple of weeks Lee has been getting Jack ready for and into bed. And since we both know how important it is to start reading at an early age, he always reads a story to him before bed. Jack already seems to like turning the pages of the book.
6:05pm // I’ve learned that I am the kind of cook who needs to wear and apron. Too many tops and dresses have been marked and ruined by wayward splashes of food or oil.
6:32pm // I know that Lee is struggling to deal with Violet’s moods and tantrums as well. But she’s still a Daddy’s girl and tonight wanted to sit with him once dinner was done. Some squeezy hugs ensued.
6:33pm // Ella manning her post by the table during dinner with a watchful eye for any dropped food.
6:34pm // The first glass of wine I’ve had all week. I have definitely lost my capacity for drinking since having Jack. Any more than about 2-3 drinks and I wake up feeling rubbish for half the day the next day. I’ve also found that even two glasses of wine at night has me waking up feeling a little heavy. So I’m going to try to cut back a little and have a few days a week where I don’t drink at all.
8:05pm // My healthy-ish after dinner snack. I find it really hard to break the habit of dessert / chocolate / sweets at night. For now I’ll just try making a better substitute. Yoghurt + coco bombs + cacao sprinkles + almond cacao spread.
8:10pm // Hanging out together once the kids are in bed. As we do. I’m looking forward to one day having a couch where we can sit side by side and enjoy some physical contact with each other during our evenings together.