You’re struggling right now. Things are way more difficult that you thought they would be at this point and you’re not really coping all that well. That’s ok. You’ve got a lot going on and it’s hard.
It’s hard feeling like no one is really listening when you try to talk about how much you’re struggling. It’s hard when you’re always being told how tough and how strong you are. That kind of pressure is tough. Because it’s ok to not be strong and not be tough.
You know that you could ask for help but you don’t really know how to without feeling like a failure. And you don’t even know what kind of help it is that you need right now. And that’s ok too. You’re not a failure and you’re not failing. This is a tough gig and you’re still figuring out how to do it.
You hate the thought that your inability to cope right now and control your own emotions is having a negative impact on your babies. Your darling girl in particular. She knows that you love her. There are so many ways you show her that you love her throughout every day… and they far outweigh the episodes of yelling and screaming and crying. She knows that you love her.
Right now you feel like you’ve lost your spark. Heck, you feel like you’ve lost yourself completely. You feel disconnected. You feel isolated. That’s ok. You’re still trying to find your footing in the new world order of your life. You have a lot of things you’re trying to juggle right now. In time you’ll get better at it and you will find the time and the space for yourself again.
You’re not the first mum to go through this kind of tough time and you won’t be the last. You are not a monster. You are not a failure. You are not a bad mum. You will get through this. Yes, it is going to continue to be hard. And yes, it will often seem lonely and heartbreaking and infuriating and sad. But it will also be wonderful and funny and heartwarming and joyful. You will find your spark again. You will forge your way through it and you will come out the other side a better version of yourself.
You’ve got this (even if it feels like you don’t).